Ignore the guttural sobs coming from my house tonight... I just saw Wicked for the first time.

Look... I went into this movie knowing I had very little information on what I was going to be watching. I had never watched the play, never read the books, never even sat down and read a synopsis of the story. All I knew going in was that Wicked was a redemptive retelling of Elphaba.

What I didn't know was that Elphaba ripped off my story.

Not really, of course. But that's how it felt watching it. And I'll tell you exactly the moment when the movie went from a story I was watching for the first time to a story that I was all too familiar with:

Elphaba had just walked into the dance, dressed in black, with the hideous (but lowkey stylish) hat Galinda had given her as a prank. The room had burst into snickers and Elphaba had begun to dance anyway. It was a slow, sad dance. Awkward, confusing... depressing. Which is when Fiyero--the handsome prince--turns to Galinda and says, admiringly, "She doesn't care what anyone thinks."

Nothing too intense there. I still had it held together...but then Galinda looks at him and says, "She does care."

Yo... tears, immediately.

I don't know what moment brought this story to life for you, but for me it was right then and there, watching as she stubbornly decided that no matter how badly it hurt, she would not be chased off. I get that,

It brought me back to every moment in my life where I have had to choose to remain in the room everyone is mocking me for daring to enter. It reminded me of every tear I've held back until I was alone. Every chuckle I've forced out so that my abusers wouldn't know the power they have over me. Every time I have blatantly lied by pretending to be ok. Every time I stayed strong, knowing that all I really wanted was to crumble.

That was the moment I fell in love with Elphaba. And it was the moment that I realized I was going to spend a lot of time crying over her story.

There is something about watching a Black person (and a Black WOMAN at that) enter a space where she is (1) the most powerful person in the room, (2) belittled for her very existence & (3) demonized for fighting for everyone... it hit really close to home.

I think I'll have more to say on that in a day or two. For now, I just want to sit in my feelings and wrestle with how much this movie moved me. But here are my initial takeaways:

• It is criminal that white women have primarily held this role. Elphaba, at her core, is written to be played by a woman of color.
• Even in enviornments that are openly diverse and inclusive, bigotry is default for the privileged..
• Power is subjective and privilege is never fair.
• If you didn't weap at Defying Gravity, you need to increase the frequency of your therapist visits.
• The powerful will always demonize those who resist. Which is why it matters that we fight from the bottom up. Because often, they are the only ones with the necessary perspective to continue resisting anyway.

Let me know what your main takeaways were and whether you want me to expound on these thoughts!

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