I have a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts about this time of year. Inevitably, our timelines are about to be filled with people pretending they love big bodies, while simultaneously (and unintentionally) admitting that their love for big bodies only extends for so long as they need someone to keep them warm during the cold portion of the year.

Obviously, we know that no one actually needs to cuddle a fat to stay warm. But there's something about the idea that appeals to a lot of people who will go on to spend the rest of the year only having eyes for bodies that fit a very different mold. And I think it's worth talking about. Because the idea that there is a specific aesthetic that makes fat bodies temporarily appealing is not just insulting, but very common.

These conversations happen often and they are always so complicated because, as is often true, two things are true here:

Our society has been conditioned to associate fat bodies with a very distasteful set of characteristics. Regardless of whether we find backfat ugly or not, we have been conditioned to assume rolls only come to people who are lazy, sloppy, inactive and irresponsible with their health. Characteristics that we find very unattractive, regardless of who they describe.

Simultaneously, much of our society is fat. So despite that conditioning, most of us have direct relationship with fat people who are not lazy, sloppy or irresponsible. In fact, many of us know fat people who are much healthier and put together than we are. And more interestingly, most of us know fat people that we find attractive and appealing.

As I said, two things are true here:

1. Most people have plenty of experience knowing, appreciating and loving fat people.

2. As a society, we are conditioned to see fat as an embarrassment anyway. So, for many, fatness will always be a negative, even when attached to people we love.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because currently, our society is shifting toward another wave of ultra-thinness. Even as we see conversations happening about how we shouldn't comment on the bodies of all of these celebrities who are losing weight, we have to acknowledge that there is a reason it is a conversation at all. And that is because we know where this is heading.

I'm going to be very clear: I do not make a habit of commenting on people's bodies. And I don't intend to do so in this blog. But I do want to be equally clear that while it is inappropriate to shame people for their bodies, it is imperative that we have open (and public) conversations about the way our society worships skinny bodies...and what a wave of ultra-thinness does to our children. And it is important to note that we can have that conversation without naming celebrities or speculating on anyone's health or personal life.

I have friends who are very thin. And for a variety of reasons. I have friends who are very thin because of their genetics. Friends who are thin because of their intentional diet and exercise routine. And I have friends who are thin because of disability. Their bodies are small for a variety of reasons, and yet, I approach their bodies the same anyway. I do not comment on them, unless asked to. I do not have an opinion on their diet or their exercise choices. I do not presume to give them suggestions on what they should do for their health. And it doesn't matter to me whether they are skinny because they have chosen to be or because they have no choice. And why should it? It doesn't matter. And yet, despite my refusal to highlight their skinniness, by virtue of them being skinny, my fatness is on display when we share space.

No matter how they feel about their bodies, or how other people feel about their bodies, when we share a room, it will always be society's hatred of fatness that takes center stage.

And that is a conversation we cannot afford to sideline.

Does that mean that we have a green light to criticize skinny bodies?

No.

Does it even mean skinny people never face criticism or body shame?

No.

What it means is that, as a society, we have to continue having conversations about the conditioning we are all susceptible to and what it looks like to dismantle it. And one of the easiest ways we can have those conversations is through our media consumption. Which brings me to the topic of this blog... I want more books where errbody is a fatass.

This is one of the reasons shows like Roseanne and Mike & Molly were such important shows for me. And don't get me wrong. They got a lot wrong. Both shows put way too much effort into disparaging fat bodies, and Mike and Molly LOVED a weight loss plot. But despite everything they got wrong, both of those shows gave us a pair of fatties who found each other beautiful and worthy and refused to be ashamed of that. As opposed to shows like King of Queens, where...you know.

Now, I want to be clear again, I have nothing against skinny people and fat people bumping pretties or falling in love. I've had my fair share of skinnies slide in my DM and I send those screenshots to the group chat with the same smile as I do when its a thinkem. But I want to see much more representation that doesn't require skinny bodies in the room at all.

I posted this question to threads, in search of stories like this, and here are some of the recommendations my mutuals and followers offered:

• One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London

• Just for the Cameras by Viano Oniomoh

• Second Chance Romance by Olivia Dade

• Eight Kinky Nights by Xan West

• Their Troublesome Crush by Xan West

• Shipwrecked by Olivia Dade

I am sure there are more. Perhaps even plenty more. But the literature pointing positively toward fat bodies disproportionately does so with skinny bodies front and center. Which is fine. There is nothing wrong with that story. But, while there is a place for that representation, I see room for representation where fat bodies are the entire story too. And I am eager for more of that to exist, especially as we watch our society turn back the clock on fatphobia.

I repeat... I am fine with stories where a fat character and a skinny character fall in love. I am not looking for a fight here. So don't bother arguing with me. I am telling you my experience as a fat person who intentionally consumes media that addresses fatness as something other than an inconvenience or something to be ashamed of.

As a society, we are watching as a lot of the social progress we have made in the last few decades is walked back. And if you do not already see the writing on the wall, I need you to hear me that body positively is on the docket as well. If we are not intentional about the way that we engage with fatness going forward, we are not only going to see our children subjected to the same vitriolic approach to their bodies as we were, but we are going to see that hatred translate into legislation and social structures that will be even harder to dismantle this time.

I will continue to live my life without commenting on others bodies. But when it comes to conversations about body positivity and dismantling fatphobia, I will always maintain that we have to continue working to not only unpack our collective distaste for fat bodies, but also our worship of skinny ones.

Let me know your favorite romance with a fat main character in the comments! I'd love to talk more about this subject if y'all are interested in unpacking some fatphobia in literature together!

As always, I am so incredibly grateful that you are here. Don't forget to pre-order our next book: Devil of the Deep by Falencia Jean-Francois! It is a Haitian fantasy about a mermaid, a pirate and a navy captain who have to work together to take down an underwater cult and save the world from an ancient god. Grab it HERE.

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Love you all! - Michael